How to Support a Parent or Partner with Hearing Loss
If you've noticed hearing changes in someone you love, you're probably already doing more communication work than you realise: repeating yourself or raising your voice. They may not have noticed yet. This article is for you: how to recognise the signs in someone else, how to have the conversation, how to communicate well in the meantime, and how to support them through getting tested and adjusting to aids.
The signs you're likely noticing
You're probably the first to notice. Hearing loss is hard to self-detect because it's gradual and because the brain adapts by filling in gaps. The people around the person usually see it first. Common signs:
Asking you to repeat, often, particularly in restaurants or with the TV on
TV volume turned up uncomfortably loud, or subtitles on permanently
Saying "what?" a lot or answering questions incorrectly
Withdrawing from group conversations and noisy social events
Phone calls becoming difficult or avoided
Misunderstanding family members with higher-pitched voices (grandchildren, daughters-in-law)
Visible effort or fatigue after social events
Reluctance to acknowledge any of the above
Denial is normal. Hearing loss is often felt as a marker of ageing and people can be resistant to recognising it.
Why they're reluctant
Three common reasons people put off addressing their hearing:
It's gradual. They've adjusted to each small change and don't perceive how far they've moved from baseline.
It feels like a marker of ageing. Vanity, identity, the stigma of hearing aids.
They suspect they'll be told to wear aids and they don't want to.
Approaching the conversation with this in mind helps. It's not stubbornness. It's usually a mix of denial and emotional resistance to what testing might mean.
How to have the conversation
Pick a calm moment, in private, not after an argument or a frustrating dinner. Don't make it about your annoyance with repeating things. Make it about them, their tiredness, their enjoyment, their connection to family.
What to say:
"I've noticed conversations are taking more effort for you in noisy places. Is that something you're feeling too?"
"I think your hearing has changed. I'd love for us to get it checked, even just for a baseline. It's usually free for over 60s."
"The latest research links untreated hearing loss to higher dementia risk. That's why I'm raising it now rather than waiting."
"I'll come with you if it would help."
What not to say:
"You're going deaf."
"You need hearing aids."
"I'm sick of repeating myself."
Be ready to leave the conversation unresolved. Sometimes the seed is planted and they come round in their own time. Don't push to resolution in one go.
Communication while you wait
Whether they've agreed to get tested or not, you can communicate better right now. These small adjustments make a real difference:
Face them when you speak. Let them see your mouth and facial cues.
Reduce background noise. Turn off the TV, close a door, choose quieter restaurants.
Speak clearly, not louder. Shouting distorts speech and feels patronising. Slowing down and articulating helps more.
Get their attention first. Say their name, touch their shoulder.
Rephrase, don't repeat. If a sentence didn't land, try different words rather than the same ones louder.
One at a time. At family dinners, keep conversations single-track when possible.
Light the speaker's face. Avoid sitting them with their back to a window where their face is in shadow.
Don't talk from another room.
Getting tested
When they're ready, offer to come along. Many people find the prospect daunting and a familiar person in the room helps. A spouse or adult child is often the most useful person at the results conversation because they can describe what real-life difficulty looks like. Observations the patient may not make themselves.
If the result shows loss, the immediate next conversation is about what to do. Encourage them to take their time. There's rarely urgency. A reputable clinic won't pressure a same-day decision.
Adjusting to hearing aids
If they decide to try aids, the first few weeks are the hardest. The world sounds louder and busier than they remember: the rustle of clothes, the fridge hum, their own footsteps. The brain has to relearn how to filter. Most people acclimatise within 6 to 8 weeks.
How you can help:
Encourage daily wear, all day, not just for difficult situations. Quiet scenarios are the best to get used to hearing aids in.
Be patient with adjustment complaints ("everything sounds tinny"). These usually settle.
Help them notice improvements
Encourage them to return to their audiologist for fine-tuning. That's what aftercare appointments are for.
Don't expect aids to restore perfect hearing. They restore most of speech in most environments. Very noisy settings will still need effort.
If they refuse
Some people, even with clear evidence, refuse to get tested or wear aids. Pushing harder usually makes it worse. What works better:
Plant the seed, give them time, raise it again gently months later
Share a story: a friend or relative who got aids and loved them
Mention specific moments: "you missed Sophie's news at dinner, did you know?" without making it punitive
Offer to do the test together as a wellness check, not a problem-fixing visit
Use the cognitive-health framing. For many parents, the dementia risk is more motivating than the hearing itself.
Eventually most resistance softens. The conversation you have today may not be the one that lands, but it makes the next one possible.
Looking after yourself
Living with someone who has untreated hearing loss is genuinely exhausting. The constant repeating, the missed jokes, the volume of the TV. It takes a toll. Some partners experience hearing-loss-related grief: the loss of easy conversation, the changed dynamics of a relationship. That's real and worth acknowledging.
Once they're tested and (if appropriate) fitted with aids, that pressure lifts substantially. The investment in time, conversation and sometimes cost is repaid in restored connection.
Frequently asked questions
My parent refuses to admit there's a problem. What now? Stay patient, raise it occasionally rather than constantly, find an angle that resonates with them: dementia risk, missing grandchildren, social withdrawal. Most people come round in their own time.
Should I make the appointment for them? Better to make it together. Them committing creates ownership. Offer to come along. Some clinics (including ours) let companions sit in for the discussion.
Is shouting helpful? No. Louder distorts speech. Slower, clearer and face-on works much better.
What if they get hearing aids and won't wear them? Common. About 1 in 5 new wearers stop in the first few months. The fix is usually a fine-tuning appointment, more support during the adjustment period, and patience. Encourage them to return to their audiologist rather than give up.
Can I attend their hearing test? At the Hear Now Clinic yes. Companions are welcome in the test room and the results discussion (with patient consent). Your observations are valuable.
Is hearing loss really linked to dementia? Yes, the behaviours associated with untreated hearing loss, and the extra cognitive load have been linked. The 2024 Lancet Commission identifies it as the single largest modifiable midlife risk factor. Treating it appears to reduce risk meaningfully.
